reality…theres something poetic about this
Forever Alone
Sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever get married..who wants to live the rest of their life with a fucked up mental chick?? He loves me, but will he be the only one..? ok so i have this lover in Holland, hes amazing and wonderful but even my background had him full of doubt, afraid of what might happen to me next. He feared that i’d never get better and was upset because he could’nt “fix me” so how do you fix someone so broken? :/
Body Image
Regret and shame are apart of life, but the life i’m living is bounded by those two words. It’s like i’m in some sick, twisted universe where only satan should belong. “i wanna be skinny” screaming in my head, something i’ll never be, or i may just wind up dead.
Blame Game
Blaming is a waste of time, yet most of us do it anyways, it’s in our nature i suppose. No one wants to get slammed or accused. Bring on the shame
I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?… I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don’t want any more vicissitudes, I don’t want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired.
Forever in The Dark
It’s lonely, in that place of ultimate darkness, forever consumed by your rusting thoughts. The fear of being unable to escape, leads to the taking of ones life. We are born this way; Twisted mind, broken heart, damaged soul. Time goes by and we live our miserable lives the best we can, trying to look up, but never seem to manage taking our eyes off the ground. The whole goal here is to survive, not to plan a life; because we can’t, it’s near impossible when you’re in this state of mind to think rationally. Depression eats away at a person until they have nothing left to lose. Then the fights over, death wins again.
You’re Beautiful, It’s Society That’s FuCkEd~
